Well "cheap shoes florida" is not correct grammatically, so right off the bat that should be "cheap shoes in florida"
Your sentence above is spammy and painful to the reader and targets four different regions on one page. If you want to go the region route, then each page should target a different area. Especially if the main keyword is medium or high competition, you'll need targeted dedicated landing pages with unique content in order to rank for state long tail searches.
This takes care of your spammy copy, because you're only including one state in the content, and it also really needs to be under optimized and only a few times in the copy - don't overdo it. Definitely needs to be in the title tag and H1 tag.