Larry Kim over at Wordstream put up a nice post about this here. The short of it is eBay is doing a terrible job managing their account by targeting too broadly and over-relying on keyword insertion for their ad text.
I'm not really sure why you say you would take your marketing money somewhere else. You can calculate your ROI from running Adwords, and you can calculate your ROI from running other marketing projects. If you're seeing a better return from other marketing projects, shift your budgets towards those. Why would you stop advertising on Adwords if you're seeing a positive ROI?
Quality score is another thing helping to level the playing field. You can optimize your ad text and landing pages to increase your quality score, which can help you outrank competitors. Remember that in your Alex, Ben, and Carla example. If one of them can get their quality score higher, they're actually paying less for their leads. Since it looks like eBay is advertising on a lot of very generic terms, have poor ad text, and have empty landing pages for some of them, they almost certainly have terribly quality scores for the majority of their keywords.
Adwords is always adding new features. There are many advertisers that simply don't have the time or resources to learn how to use all the targeting options available. Those that do will have an advantage. Those of us who are optimizing our accounts will have an advantage by reducing our waste and giving us extra budget to invest in other campaigns. I don't believe the Adwords market is completely efficient.
For #2, there's only so much volume you can bid for. You can't invest $100 trillion dollars in any set of search queries, even if it converts insanely well. You can only bid up to position #1 with 100% of the impression share. For those long-tail queries that convert well, those usually have very little volume.