Keyword Stuffing?

[BrandLabs]

I'm the copy writer for a marketing firm, who is doing the SEO work for a website that sells wholesale Disney apparel.

I was recently asked to rewrite their homepage blurb, as it was all over the place. However, one thing I'm wondering is if you guys felt the various Disney keyword combinations (IE: Disney Beach Towels, Disney Mugs, Disney Travel Mugs, etc) were necessary for SEO purposes? Or, if they would be considered keyword stuffing? I thought they seemed pretty spammy, but I just wanted to run it by you guys and get your thoughts. Both versions are below. Thanks!

Current:

Welcome to our website.

We are so glad that you have found us, and hope that your ordering experience is a positive one.

Here you will find all the Licensed Disney apparel you will ever need to fill your store. We offer Disney apparel in all sizes; infant through plus size. Styles include adult, men, women, youth, toddler, boys, girls, infants, sleepwear, fleece, tanks, dresses, short sets, tee shirts, and much more!

Are you looking for Disney licensed accessories?  Want Disney licensed collectable pins? We have 80+ designs.  We also carry Disney beach towels,  Disney mugs, Disney travel mugs, Disney tumblers,  Disney beach bags, Disney totes bags, and Disney messenger bags, and more.

In addition to all of our Disney products, we also offer other high demand licenses such as Marvel, and Nickelodeon.

**REVISED:**Welcome to -------  online shop! Our top priority is providing retailers with a wide array of wholesale licensed apparel and accessories from renown brands like Disney, Nickelodeon & Marvel. We carry a vast inventory of products, in a variety of shapes, sizes, colors and styles - so your store can always stay stocked with all the in-demand items kids and adults crave!

Whether your customers want Mickey Mouse t-shirts and beach towels for their next vacation, or Tinkerbell travel mugs and tote bags for everyday use, our wholesale Disney selection has you covered. We also carry over 80 designs of Disney’s popular collectible pins and an equally rich selection of licensed Marvel and Nickelodeon goods.

[irvingw]

What is your target keyword phrase for the home page. Keep your focus on that phrase. The first option is certainly spammy, but I can't figure out your prized keyword target from your second paragraph. What is in your H1 and title tags?

[DarinPirkey]

From a purely UX stand point, you revised is much easier to read.  Don't worry about how often the keyword phrase shows up on the page (except on the UX side).  Follow the directions of the On-page Report Cards here on SEOmoz to help guide you the rest of the way.

There was a really great WBF by Rand a few weeks about co-citations.  I happen to agree with this.  One of my sites ranks #3 in Google for a keyword that isn't even on the page.

[irvingw]

I just looked at your site and you don't have a H1 tag on the home page. Let me advise you to setup a Bing Webmaster account for your site and review the SEO report. It will caution you on H1, title, meta, duplicate pages and more.